


it's you i've been wishing for

by melopeya



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Winter Exchange 2020, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Clueless Neil Josten, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, holiday fluff, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28173516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melopeya/pseuds/melopeya
Summary: When Neil decides to stay on campus for winter break, he’s looking forward to several weeks of peace, quiet, and Netflix. But as he gets to know the only other person staying in his dorm, he realizes he might be getting a lot more than he bargained for.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 42
Kudos: 350
Collections: AFTG Exchange Winter 2020





	it's you i've been wishing for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dahmers_apt213](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahmers_apt213/gifts).



> Hello! This is my gift for the AFTG 2020 Winter Exchange. Happy holidays Em!!

“For the last time, Matt, I am totally fine being here by myself.”

Matt’s face pulls into a frown that has become increasingly familiar over the last few weeks. “Okay, but are you  _ sure _ ?”

Neil throws his hands in the air. “Yes! For fuck’s sake yes, I am so very okay being by myself.”

“But you know you don’t  _ have _ to be by yourself right? I told you, my mom would be so happy to have you.”

Neil looks at his roommate with a mixture of fondness and exasperation. Matt always cares so much, sometimes it feels like someone like him shouldn’t exist. “Matt, seriously it’s okay. It’ll be nice having the room to myself.”

Matt rolls his eyes. “Don’t pretend like you won’t miss me. It’s for the entirety of winter break, that’s a whole month! A month and a half, in fact” 

“Listen, if it really gets that bad I will book a flight and come to you. I promise.”

Matt’s eyes light up at that. “Wait, really? I mean, of course you could come literally whenever, I just didn’t think you felt comfortable doing that, and  _ god _ Neil that makes me so happy that you trust me like that and feel like you can come to my house and--”

“Matty,” Neil interrupts, laughing. “Of course I trust you.”

“Don’t act like you were always like that, I have a right to be surprised.” And, well. Neil can’t deny him that. When he’d met Matt back in his freshman year, Neil was still reeling from everything that went down with his parents. He hadn’t known what it was like to have a friend at all, much less a friend who would literally drop everything for him at a moment's notice. But Matt had proven himself over and over in the last two years, always showing up for Neil even when Neil kept pieces of himself tucked away and hidden. And now, trusting Matt comes as easy as breathing. 

“I know,” Neil acquiesces. “But yes, I swear if I feel lonely for even a second I will be on the first flight to New York.” 

Matt’s smile is lopsided and warm as he barrels toward Neil to scoop him into a hug. “Okay,” he says. “I’m holding you to that.” 

Neil pats his giant friend’s shoulders and tries to catch his breath. “And besides, I actually think someone else on our floor is staying over break too.” Matt lets go of him at that, expression curious. “The lady at the admin office told me that when I submitted my request to stay over winter break.” 

“Hmm I wonder who it is? Allison, Dan, Renee… they’re all going home.” 

Neil shrugs. “I guess I’ll find out.” It’s not like they know everyone on their floor. They live in a large dorm that houses sophomores, juniors, and seniors, so it certainly isn’t out of the realm of possibility that Neil’s winter companion would be someone he hasn’t met before. 

“Maybe you’ll make a new friend!” Matt exclaims, apparently fully on board with the Neil-on-campus plan now. “Maybe they’ll even be a junior. It would be nice to graduate knowing you had someone else to be your best bud. Although, I think I would get a bit jealous.” 

Neil pokes him in the ribs. “I have other friends! In my year too, it’s not like I only hang out with seniors.”

“Okay,” Matt raises an eyebrow. “Who are all these junior friends you’ve been keeping from me then?”

Neil wracks his brain for literally any name. “Um… that kid Jeremy! He’s a junior.” 

Matt scoffs. “He’s your lab partner in physics that doesn’t count.” 

“Okay fine whatever, so all my friends are a year older than me, no need to rub it in. But anyway, I don’t even know if I’ll even get along with this other person so your best friend status is secure, I assure you.” 

Matt ruffles Neil’s hair affectionately. “Okay, okay. But really, who could ever resist your charms?” 

  
***

Turns out Neil’s only company on his floor is very good at resisting Neil’s ‘charms.’ It’s been a week since Matt left for New York, still angling for Neil to come with him. The girls had left a few days before him, each going to their respective homes for the break. And slowly the rest of the floor, and then the rest of the dorm, had cleared out. Neil doesn’t mind one bit, in fact he welcomes the quiet. But he does wonder about the only other person on the floor. They must be on the complete opposite side of the building since Neil hasn’t seen any signs of life on his side. 

Neil spends the first week of break lazing around his and Matt’s room, going for runs, and watching copious amounts of Gossip Games, a trashy TV show Allison put him on to. It’s wonderful, especially after the stress of finals that preceded this week. He’s getting back from an evening run, climbing up the stairs to his floor when he hears a loud banging sound. It’s soon followed by a string of indecipherable words, probably curses, and then the banging is back. 

Neil cautiously walks down the hallway towards his room and is greeted by the sight of a guy continuously banging on the glass of the vending machine. 

“Um, hello?” Neil approaches tentatively. The guy whirls around to face him, clearly not expecting to see someone else there. He seems familiar, but at the same time Neil is fairly confident they’ve never met before. The source of the banging and the curses has blonde hair that sweeps across his face and he’s wearing ripped black jeans, a black sweatshirt, and a glare that screams “don’t talk to me!” 

“Can I help you?” the stranger asks, and Neil immediately likes his voice. It’s a bit raspy, but deep and warm. Completely contrasting the demeanor of its owner. 

“I was actually going to ask you the same,” Neil says with a nod towards the vending machine. “What are you trying to get?”

The guy looks as though he’s about to tell Neil to fuck off, but then seems to think the better of it and points to the Famous Amos cookies. Ah, Neil is very familiar with those, having stolen a bunch for Matt earlier in the semester. He steps forward and the stranger backs up a little, watching Neil curiously. Neil raps on the machine confidently, jostling a bag out of its row immediately. He crouches to fish it out of the machine and hands it over to his audience, whose face is betraying him with a little surprise diluting his glare. 

“You’re welcome,” Neil grins cheekily. “I’m Neil, by the way.” 

“Andrew,” the guy mutters distractedly, staring at the bag of cookies in his hands. “How’d you…?”

“It’s all about the angle,” Neil explains vaguely. Honestly, it had taken a lot of practice to understand this particular machine. 

Andrew nods anyway.

“So,” Neil continues, feeling a bit awkward. “Are you staying here over winter break too?”

Andrew nods again. 

“Cool! I guess we can keep each other company, yeah?”  _ Fuck, _ he sounds way too earnest. It’s definitely Matt’s fault.

Andrew just shrugs. “I’m here to do research.” He hesitates before adding, “But yeah, I’m around.”

Neil chews his lip. “Do you wanna exchange numbers or something?” There, that sounds like something Matt would say in a situation like this. Totally normal. 

Andrew looks him up and down slowly. “I’m sure you’ll find me,” he says, and then turns on his heel, walking away from Neil without a second glance. 

Neil watches him leave, feeling oddly rejected. He shrugs off the feeling and heads into his own room. He flops on his bed, leaving the lights off, and opens Facebook. He searches for ‘Andrew’ to no avail -- none of the Andrews that come up look even remotely like that man Neil met in the hallways. He switches over to Instagram, startling when he sees Andrew on Renee’s page. They know each other. In the picture, Renee and Andrew are standing with some people Neil recognizes from Renee’s photography club. Andrew isn’t smiling, but he looks… at ease, his expression softer somehow. Andrew is tagged, and Neil realizes he probably wouldn’t have found him any other way because his account doesn’t have his name on it anywhere. 

Neil clicks on the tagged account to find a page filled with beautiful photographs. Most of them are shots of sprawling landscapes, some places Neil recognizes from hikes he’s dragged Matt and the girls on. Others are pictures of people in common places, like dark sweaty clubs, parks, and even the student center. Even though the account is public, Neil feels like he’s looking at something really private, each shot somehow seems personal and carefully crafted. Neil scrolls back up to the top of the page and finds that Andrew actually has a couple of thousand followers.  _ What’s one more? _ Neil clicks the follow button before he can think any more about it, locking his phone and shoving it aside for the time being. 

He eats the sandwich he picked up on his run and settles back in with Gossip Games, falling asleep after a while and waking up in the middle of the night. He fumbles for his phone to check the time and is greeted by an Instagram notification. 

**adrwmyrd followed you back!**

***

The second week of break seems to be making up for all the Andrew absence of the first week. Neil runs into him constantly, bumping into him while Andrew is heading to his research lab and Neil is going out to grab breakfast, and then when Neil is watching Gossip Games in the common room and Andrew plops down on a couch across from him, absorbed in a book. They make some barebones small talk, mostly consisting of Neil making some inane comments about the weather and Andrew half ignoring him but listening at the same time. 

By the middle of the week, Neil figures it’s an appropriate time to attempt some… intentional hanging out. Matt would be so proud of him. Neil wanting to make plans had been unheard of for the first year of their friendship. And now here he is, attempting to make plans with a virtual stranger. He wanders to Andrew’s side of the floor, unsure of which room actually belongs to him. He isn’t even sure if Andrew is back from the lab yet, but it’s not like there’s anything else he could be doing right now. 

He’s squatting to see if there’s light under any of the rooms he’s near when a voice startles him enough to make him fall over completely. 

“Are you stalking me?” 

Neil looks up at Andrew, who is standing over him with an unimpressed expression. “What? No, I just,” Neil grunts as he scrambles back to his feet. “I was just wondering if you wanted to-- like order dinner together or something? Split delivery costs and all that. There’s this Japanese restaurant I’ve been meaning to try, but also I’m good with anything really.” 

Andrew blinks. “Okay.”

Neil lets out a breath he wasn’t aware of holding “Okay? You’re good with Japanese? Anything you want specifically?”

Andrew shrugs. “Yeah, whatever. Anything’s fine.”

Neil eyes him. “Why do I feel like you’re the kind of person who says they don’t care about food but then actually do care a lot?” 

Andrew looks caught off guard for a moment before reluctantly muttering, “Avocado cucumber cream cheese roll. And teriyaki tofu. Fried rice on the side.”

Neil smiles triumphantly. “I knew it.”

Andrew rolls his eyes, walking into his room. “Come get me when it’s here.”

“Sure,” Neil chuckles, making note of Andrew’s room number before heading back to his own to order the food. 

He’s back outside Andrew’s room an hour later, hands full of food. Andrew opens his door before Neil gets a chance to knock. Andrew’s room is… really nice actually. Neil wasn’t picturing anything in particular, but he definitely wasn’t expecting soft throw blankets and string lights and pictures on the wall. He catches Andrew’s camera on the desk, suddenly remembering Andrew’s photography Instagram. The pictures on the wall seem to be more of people he knows. Neil spots Renee immediately; she’s in more than one of the images hung over what Neil assumes to be Andrew’s bed. 

“You know Renee,” he states, looking over to Andrew who is already inhaling his sushi. 

Andrew nods, swallows. “Yeah, I know Renee.” He looks at Neil curiously. “You didn’t know me before the vending machine, did you?”

Neil frowns. “No? Did you know me?”

“Renee spoke about you sometimes,” Andrew offers no other explanation. Neil takes it. 

They settle down on the floor with their food, and Neil puts on the latest episode of Gossip Games for some background noise. If he’s learned anything from Matt, it’s that some mindless noise can always make a situation more comfortable. 

They’re quiet for a bit, munching on their food and watching the drama unfold on Neil’s laptop. 

Suddenly Andrew pipes up, “This is the stupidest show I have ever seen.”

Neil chuckles. “Yeah, it’s not very taxing on the mind I know. We can watch something else if you want.” He reaches to pause the show, but Andrew flicks his arm.

“Leave it,” he mutters. 

“You like it?” Neil’s smile grows wider. 

“Shut up. Sabrina’s mad about something and I don’t know what because of your incessant chatter.” 

Neil splutters. “What-- you’re the one who--”

“Shhh,” Andrew waves a hand at him, attention back on the screen. Neil smothers a smile in his sweatshirt and settles back into the beanbag behind him. 

Neil loses track of how many episodes they go through, but somewhere in between the backstabbing and scheming on-screen he and Andrew start talking. He learns that Andrew is a criminal justice major and that his reason for being on-campus is his research position in PSU’s forensics lab.

“Wait, they’re making you stay over winter break? Isn’t that unfair?” Neil questions; he hasn’t heard of any other labs making their research assistants stay.

Andrew pokes at a piece of tofu. “No, I just… I didn’t want to leave my work half done. And the alternative was going to Germany to visit my cousin and hear him and his husband fucking all the time, so really I’m lucky I had an excuse to stay here.”

Neil doesn’t fully buy that. “You love your work that much, huh,” he teases lightly. 

Andrew flicks teriyaki sauce at him in retaliation, and Neil laughs harder than he has in a while. 

“Why are you here?” Andrew asks a little while later. Neil has migrated to sit on top of the beanbag and Andrew has stretched out on his fluffy carpet. “Skipping out on Christmas traditions of your own?”

Neil should have definitely expected this question, and yet it still catches him off guard. He forgets sometimes that there are people who haven’t heard about his criminal father and crazy mother, both of whom are in jail for crimes they committed right in front of Neil throughout his childhood. He’s gotten so used to being around his core group of friends, who know enough about his past to not have to ask anymore, who know about Uncle Stuart and everything. 

He realizes he’s been quiet for a little too long, and Andrew’s watching him carefully. He clears his throat. “Not exactly,” he starts. “No parents in the picture, and I usually go to my Uncle’s place-- in London-- but he’s sort of busy this year. I mean, I still could’ve gone there just wouldn’t be anyone I really know there, so,” Neil shrugs. “I decided I might as well stay here. Enjoy the quiet.”

Andrew’s silent for a moment before he mutters, “I find it hard to believe you enjoy any kind of quiet with the amount you talk.”

Neil can’t bother to hide his laughter. “You think  _ I’m _ talkative? My friends would have aneurysms if they heard anybody say that about  _ me _ . They’re always complaining about how long it takes me to say anything to them.” But then, he realizes, he  _ has _ been oddly chatty with Andrew, even in their brief interactions in the hallways or the common room. There’s something about him that just makes Neil want to know more, want to share more. It’s a bit unsettling if Neil’s being honest. 

“I’m glad I’m not stuck here with your friends then,” Andrew huffs. “They sound more insufferable than you.” 

Neil kicks Andrew’s foot lightly. “Hey, watch your mouth. Who would’ve introduced you to Gossip Games if it hadn’t been for me?”

Andrew gets up onto his elbows as if to argue before settling back down, resigned. “Fair point.” 

Neil asks about Andrew’s photography and learns that Andrew and Renee have known each other since their freshman year, meeting in photography club as Neil had guessed. 

“You’re a senior then. Matt will be so disappointed.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “Matt Boyd? Why does he care?”

“How-- you know Matt, too?” Apparently, all of Neil’s friends knew Andrew without Neil’s knowledge. “It’s nothing though he just wanted me to make a friend who was a junior so I wouldn’t be left all alone when he and all my other friends, who I guess you know, graduate.”

Andrew nods. “I know Matt from the boxing group on campus,” he explains before Neil asks again. “I didn’t realize you knew him either.”

“He’s my roommate, actually. Has been since I was a sophomore.”

He launches into a story about Matt accidentally spilling a gallon of milk all over their room last year, and then they just… keep talking. Neil loves his friends, but even with them sometimes it isn’t  _ this _ easy. Andrew scoffs when Neil says his hobbies are running and math, and appears to be determined to make Neil show interest in something else by the end of the break. Warmth pools in Neil’s stomach at the thought of Andrew actually wanting to see him regularly for the rest of break. It’s weird, but he feels  _ excited  _ at the prospect of hanging out with Andrew, doing stuff that Andrew likes. 

“Oh shit,” Neil blinks his eyes rapidly to make sure he’s seeing the time on his phone right. “It’s almost four in the morning? Don’t you have lab tomorrow?” 

Andrew shrugs. 

“I’m gonna head to my room,” Neil collects his stuff, feeling a shiver of sudden awkwardness blow through him “Um, thanks for… this was-- I mean--”

“See you later, Neil,” Andrew says gently. He’s not smiling exactly, but he’s looking at Neil the way he looks in those pictures, soft and relaxed. Neil wants to see him like this all the time. 

“Yeah,” Neil laughs a little breathlessly. “I’ll see you.”

He heads back to his room, feeling giddy and strange, and he falls asleep to the image of Andrew’s face floating in his mind. 

***

They fall into a routine of sorts over the next couple of weeks. Andrew leaves for the lab around nine in the morning and gets back by five at the latest. Neil starts to intercept him at the stairs and walk out the door with him, going for a run or grabbing breakfast once they part ways. Neil finds random things to keep himself busy during the day, going into the downtown Palmetto area or just fucking around in his room. Once Andrew’s back in the dorm, he texts Neil and they order something for dinner, usually ending up in Andrew’s room to watch Gossip Games or some other dumb show while they eat. 

But Neil’s favorite part of every day quickly becomes the time when the food has been eaten, they’re sick of the show of the night, and they just start talking. Neil has never wanted to talk  _ so much _ , it’s like Andrew has unleashed a hidden door to Chatty Neil. Andrew doesn’t believe him when Neil insists he’s usually the quietest of his friends unless provoked obviously. 

But Neil quickly realizes that it’s the same for Andrew. He talks too, and he seems just as surprised at himself as Neil is sometimes. He doesn’t tell Neil in so many words, but it’s clear in certain moments that he’s said something he’s never really said to another person before, certainly not often. It fills Neil with that strange bubbling warmth every time he notices that Andrew is relaxing in his presence just a little bit more each day. 

“So, Christmas is tomorrow,” Andrew says one Saturday when they’re lounging in the common room. 

“Yeah?” Neil hasn’t really been paying attention to the passage of time. Plus, Christmas has never been a big holiday to Neil so he certainly wasn’t keeping an eye out for it. “Do you usually do something for Christmas?” 

Andrew shrugs in the way he usually does before revealing something personal. “Nicky likes to celebrate. When we all used to live around here he’d decorate and make us all get presents.”

“That sounds like him,” Neil grins. He’s learned quite a bit about Andrew’s slightly eccentric cousin, and he is very much willing to pay money to see the two of them interact. Andrew has also mentioned his twin brother Aaron, who goes to PSU, in passing. “What about Aaron?”

“Aaron and I would just go along with it mostly, but he’s really into all the holiday stuff now that he’s in a relationship.” Andrew wrinkles his nose slightly. “He’s with his girlfriend now actually. With her family in Chicago.”

Neil hums and they lapse back into a comfortable silence. 

“What about you?” Andrew asks. “Big on Christmas?”

Neil fiddles with the strings of his sweatshirt as bad memories of holidays gone wrong flash through his mind. “Not really. Home life was rough because… my parents were involved with some pretty bad people. Things got better when I was like fifteen and moved to London with my Uncle. And he’s never been big on holidays or family stuff, so…” Neil trails off uncomfortably, unable to meet Andrew’s eye.

“I was in foster care for a long time,” Andrew says softly. “Nicky took us in after he learned about me and Aaron, but by then I’d been in the system for years. Aaron had been out of it for a bit longer than me, but we both ended up with Nicky anyway.” 

Neil just nods, his voice still stuck in his throat. He startles a bit when he feels Andrew’s hand wrapping around his wrist. Neither of them says anything for a long time, but Andrew doesn’t let go. And Neil doesn’t want him to. 

Later, he breaks the silence. “Wait, you brought up Christmas and that totally got derailed.” 

Andrew seems to take Neil’s return to speech as a sign to let go of his wrist. Neil misses his touch immediately. “I just wanted to see if you-- I don’t know.”

Neil cracks a small smile at that. “You wanna do something?”

“I’ve put up with your face every other day so far, what’s different about tomorrow?”

Neil shoves Andrew’s shoulder, laughing a bit now. “You’re the one who brought it up, you tell me.”

Andrew stubbornly opens his laptop and puts on another episode of Gossip Games, apparently done with the topic  _ he _ had been the one to bring up. Typical. 

But maybe he wasn’t that done with it after all. Neil wakes up the next morning to a banging on his door. He blindly trips out of bed and opens the door to glare at Andrew.

“What the fuck, Andrew? It’s not even nine yet!” 

“It’s Christmas,” Andrew raises an eyebrow as if something should be obvious to Neil right now.

“Yeah, and?” 

“Yeah, and get dressed.” Andrew spins away then. “You have fifteen minutes,” he calls out before disappearing around the corner completely. 

He disgruntedly meets Andrew by the top of the stairs and they make their way into the chilly air of Christmas Day. Campus is well and truly dead today, but the sun is shining and Andrew is bundled up to the point of excess next to him. Not much to complain about. He’s happy to follow Andrew anywhere. 

“What are we even doing? Isn’t everything closed on Christmas?” 

Andrew’s breath materializes in front of his face when he speaks. “Not everything, no.”

“I forgot you grew up here, and that you actually know shit about this place,” Neil muses.

“You don’t? You’ve gone to PSU for over two years now.”

Neil shrugs. “I usually just go along with what my friends want to do. Not much exploring is involved.”

Andrew nods, seemingly lost in thought. “We’ll have to change that then.” He stops them in front of a tiny building. It looks like a house but it has a sign on it indicating that it’s a café, ‘Sweet Bee’s.’ There’s an image of a bee sitting at a table and sipping from a mug. Neil smiles. It’s cute. 

Andrew pushes the door open, letting them into the coziest room Neil has ever seen. There are a few tables, but mostly plush couches and armchairs with side and coffee tables set up together. The light is dim and warm, candles flickering everywhere. And it smells like… happiness? Neil feels a little ridiculous at the thought, but it’s true. He relaxes immediately in the space.

“Andrew! Merry Christmas, dear!” a voice calls from behind the pastry case. A kind-faced woman pokes her head over the counter, smiling widely. “I wasn’t expecting you till later?”

“Later?” Neil can’t help but ask. “You mean I  _ didn’t _ have to be up at the crack of dawn?”

“Ignore him, Bee,” Andrew tells the woman. “We have a lot to do today, so I thought we’d stop here first.”

Neil raises an eyebrow. This is the first he’s hearing of any kind of schedule. 

The woman (Bee?) chuckles. “Okay then, I’ll get the usual?”

Andrew nods and Bee disappears behind the counter. Andrew leads them to sit by the fireplace, and Neil can’t stop the content sigh that escapes him as he relaxes into the armchair. 

“So, we have a whole day planned, huh?” Neil nudges Andrew’s foot with his own.

Andrew pulls his foot away with a scowl. “It’s just a day.”

Neil smirks. “Sure. Just a day that involves getting up earlier than you ever do and bringing me to this café that looks like it’s straight out of a Disney movie or something.” Not that Neil has seen many Disney movies, but based on the few Matt and Dan have forced on him, Sweet Bee’s would fit right in. 

“Christmas means hot chocolate. Bee makes the best hot chocolate. So we’re here,” Andrew lays it all out very matter-of-factly. 

“Do you like… know her? She seems to really like you.” Neil grins cheekily. “Can’t imagine why.”

“You are particularly taxing in the morning, I am quickly learning my lesson.” Andrew presses his fingers into his temple. “I’ve been coming to Bee’s since I moved here with Nicky and Aaron. I tried to run away once and just ended up here. Bee didn’t even ask a single question. She just made me hot chocolate, gave me a blanket, and let me sit here before Nicky eventually found me. She’s been there for me ever since.” 

“Oh, Andrew,” Bee’s voice approaches them. “It’s far too early in the day to get me this emotional.” She sets down two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of them and settles into a couch across from their chairs. 

Andrew doesn’t say anything, but Neil watches his face transform into something soft and  _ young _ . The image of a younger Andrew swaddled in blankets on one of Bee’s couches, running away from home, makes him smile. He sips at his hot chocolate and finds that it’s not as sickeningly sweet as he’d thought it would be. It was more on the bitter side, the darker chocolate giving it a depth that Neil actually quite liked. 

“This is amazing,” he tells Bee, already gulping down more. “I’ve never had hot chocolate like this. I usually hate how sweet it is, but this is… it’s perfect.”

Bee shoots Andrew a look before smiling back at Neil. “Andrew gave me a heads-up last night that I should bring in some of the dark chocolate for today. Seems like he was right on the money.” 

“You asked her to get…special chocolate for me?” Neil’s voice sounds too soft, too open to his own ears. But he can’t help it. Andrew doesn’t look at him for a moment, but then their eyes meet and Neil feels breathless all of a sudden. He only remembers mentioning his lack of love for chocolate to Andrew once, in passing, when they were ordering dessert and Neil was trying to convince Andrew to get a strawberry parfait instead of chocolate mousse. 

The tips of Andrew’s ears look suspiciously red. “Yes, well. I knew you would complain the entire time if she made it the way she makes mine.”

“The sweetest milk chocolate I buy, plus chocolate syrup,” Bee chuckles.

Neil pretends to gag while Andrew grabs his mug and takes a long, suffering sip. Bee tells Neil stories about Andrew during high school, not skimming over any details about his goth phase or Doctor Who obsession. Andrew somehow manages to look fond and deeply disgruntled at the same time, clearing his throat loudly in warning when Bee starts getting a little too specific about his David Tennant shrine. 

“Okay okay,” Bee laughs. “I think I’ve tortured Andrew enough for the next year, I’ll give it a rest now.” 

“Yes I think that would be best,” Andrew mutters darkly. He looks at his phone. “Neil and I should get going anyway, it’s almost noon.” 

“What? We’ve been here for three hours?” Neil can’t remember the last time he’s so thoroughly lost track of time. 

“Time flies when you’ve got hot chocolate.” Bee grabs the long empty mugs from the table and gives them one last smile. “It was so lovely to meet you, Neil. I do hope we’ll see each other again.”

“Yeah, me too,” Neil says, a little surprised at just how much he means it. 

They head back outside, and Neil once again realizes he has no idea where Andrew’s taking him. But he’s not worried, not the way he sometimes gets when he isn’t completely sure of what he’s getting into. No, he feels safe. Secure. He trusts Andrew. A slightly ridiculous notion since they’ve only known each other for a few weeks. It had taken a year and a half for Neil to put any kind of faith in Matt, but somehow Andrew has already found a way to ease every distrustful bone in Neil’s body.

Their hands brush together for a moment and Neil feels a current surge through his arm at the contact. He glances over to Andrew. He’s still looking forward, but Neil swears he can see a flush of pink darken on his cheeks. Somehow he doesn’t think it’s just the cold. 

Turns out Andrew’s next event of the day is ice skating at an outdoor rink. The rink is mostly empty, save for a family with two young kids. Andrew pays for their skates and glides onto the ice with practiced confidence. 

Neil hesitates at the edge of the rink. “Andrew, I-- I’ve never done this before.” He remembers watching people ice skate, back when he was younger and longing for a normal life. But he’d never gotten the chance then. 

Andrew smoothly swivels back to him, holding a hand out. Neil grasps it gratefully, the same spark triggered again the moment their hands meet. Andrew tugs slightly and Neil stumbles forward. Andrew’s grip is firm though, and again Neil finds himself inexplicably trusting Andrew to not let him fall. He wobbles a bit, but eventually finds a balance between Andrew’s support and staying very, very close to the railing. 

“How are you so good at this?” Neil asks, watching how Andrew barely seems aware of what he’s doing, how the motions come so naturally to him. 

“Nicky likes ice skating. And… sometimes Bee would take me too.” Andrew’s gaze flicks down to Neil’s death grip on the railing, and the corners of his lips turn up in a slight smile. “Told you I’d get you a new hobby soon enough. You’re a natural.” 

“Fuck off.” Neil glares at him, letting go of the railing in spite. He tries to push forward, valiantly attempting to project Andrew’s confidence on the ice. It works for about half a second before the ice suddenly seems to be getting closer to Neil’s face at an alarming speed. He’s falling. Strong hands grasp at his arms and he abruptly finds himself pressed against Andrew’s chest, both of them panting hard. Andrew’s arms are wrapped around Neil’s back tightly and Neil can feel puffs of his breath on his cheek. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Andrew sounds… angry. “You could’ve broken something, you idiot!” 

Neil quickly realizes Andrew isn’t angry, he’s worried. “Hey, I’m sorry, I’m okay,” he assures Andrew. “Really, I promise. Thanks for catching me.” He smiles. “My hero in shining skates.” 

Andrew gives him an impressive scowl for someone who is still clutching at Neil like he’s about to disappear. He seems to realize that he hasn’t let go yet in that exact moment, and hesitantly takes a step back from Neil, watching him warily. 

Neil holds onto the railing, no longer under any delusions about his skating skills, and Andrew begins to relax after Neil reassures him that he will not be attempting any more stunts. After a bit, Andrew takes to speed skating around the rink, counting how many times he can loop past Neil while Neil struggles to make one round. But Neil’s laughing the entire time, and Andrew’s expression is more open than he’s ever seen it, so he’ll take the teasing if it means he can have that too. 

A few hours later Andrew loudly complains about being hungry, matching the growling in Neil’s stomach, and so they go in search of food. After a quick lunch at the only place open, a tiny kebab restaurant, they go back to the dorm where Andrew sits Neil down and makes him watch Home Alone and How The Grinch Stole Christmas back to back. Neil had mentioned a few days prior that he’d never really seen any Christmas movies, and it seems Andrew is on a bit of a crusade to fix that. 

It’s almost eight when the credits on the second movie start rolling and Neil’s stomach is once again complaining. 

“Everything’s definitely closed by now,” Neil groans. “Does this mean we have to cook?”

“Bars are open,” Andrew informs him. “Or they will be. Most of the ones around here open again by eight on holidays. We can go to The Burren? They have food too.”

The Burren was a well-known spot for PSU kids because they weren’t strict about fake IDs, but Neil had never been. He usually just drank along with Matt, Allison, Renee, and Dan in the dorm and they rarely went out without him. 

“I’m only twenty,” he confesses. “And I don’t have a fake.”

Andrew doesn’t seem bothered by this information. “I know a guy there. Come on.” 

The walk to the bar is chilly, the temperature definitely dropped over the course of their movie marathon. When they get to the door, Andrew looks past the bouncer (who barely seems to notice them) and waves to someone at the bar. Ah, so he knows the bartender. Interesting. They’re allowed in without trouble and settle at the bar. 

The bartender Andrew had waved to appears in front of them, his face pulled in an easy smile. He’s… well-built. And really tall. And still smiling at Andrew. Weird. 

“Andrew! Merry Christmas!” 

“Roland, meet Neil,” Andrew says. “Neil, Roland.”

Neil nods slightly. “Hey.” 

Roland’s smile manages to spread even wider. “Hey, man, nice to meet you. What brings you guys here tonight? We just opened up.”

“Just needed something to eat,” Andrew tells him. They order some food from the bar’s menu. Andrew also orders a beer, so Neil orders some kind of spiced spiked cider which sounds good. Something about Roland seems to be setting him off, but he can’t quite pinpoint why, so alcohol would be a welcome distraction right now. Once the food’s in front of them, Roland leaves them alone for the most part, and slowly Neil relaxes. The bar starts filling up as people leave their Christmas dinners in search something more. It gets noisy, but Neil still feels like he and Andrew are in their own little bubble, currently ranking all the holidays of the year. 

“You can’t seriously claim ‘Hot Chocolate Day’ as a valid holiday!” Neil cries out, slamming his third (or fourth?) cider on the bar for emphasis. 

“January 31st, every year,” Andrew repeats stubbornly. “It’s a sacred day, Neil you’re wounding me.” 

Neil is about to embark on yet another rant on what classifies an official holiday when Roland materializes in front of them. 

“Hey, Andrew. I’m done for the night if you wanna head to the back real quick?” Neil wants to punch that stupid smile off his face. Why would Andrew want to go to the back? It’s not like he works here. 

Andrew shifts in his chair, looking… uncomfortable? Or just not entirely happy with the situation. Stupid Roland. “Not tonight, Roland,” he mutters. 

Roland looks between Andrew and Neil for a second before his smile takes on an annoyingly knowing nature. “Alrighty then, you boys have a good night.” And then he’s gone. 

“What was that about?” Neil asks, turning to Andrew who is suddenly very interested in his beer. “Andrew? Do you work here or something?” 

Andrew shakes his head, still not looking at Neil. 

“Then why did he want you to go to the back?”

Andrew huffs and does that thing where he presses his temple again. “He and I hook up-- used to hook up. Sometimes that would occur… in the back room here.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . 

Neil is suddenly hit with a few realizations. Andrew and Roland are, or at least used to be, together. And Neil doesn’t hate Roland, he’s  _ jealous _ of Roland. Because, and this is the most startling of them all,  _ Neil _ wants to be with Andrew. 

What the fuck. 

Neil realizes he’s been silent for a little too long, and Andrew’s looking at him with a blank expression Neil is surprised to see after so long. 

“You’re being weird,” Andrew states suspiciously. “Do you have some kind of problem with Roland?”

“What? No! I mean-- I--”

“Good, because we have one more thing to do.” Andrew slaps a twenty down and pushes off from the bar before Neil can get himself together. He takes a deep breath before running out after Andrew, frantically patting his pockets to make sure he has his phone and wallet. Andrew’s waiting for him just outside the bar. 

“You still look weird,” Andrew notes.

“Thanks,” Neil bites out. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

They end up in one of the neighborhoods that surround PSU’s campus. 

“This neighborhood always has the craziest lighting competitions every year,” Andrew tells Neil.  “They go all out with Christmas shit in their front yards, on the trees, on their houses, everywhere.”

And Neil can already see the glow illuminating from the streets they’re about to reach. It’s beautiful. The sun has fully set and the moon is high in the sky, but it feels as bright as daylight thanks to all the elaborate structures on people’s lawns. Neil laughs and points to a particularly grumpy looking Santa light sculpture. 

“That’s you,” he informs Andrew gleefully. The shot of jealousy and anxiety seem to have settled by now, and he’s left with just the simmering knowledge that he really  _ really _ wants to kiss Andrew. But it isn’t the time. And he can settle for watching Andrew watch the light exhibitions in slight awe. It’s clear he really loves them. 

After Andrew’s gotten his fill of the lights, they slowly make their way back to campus. They’re walking through one of the covered sections of the quad when Neil notices something hanging from the ceiling. 

“Hey, is that mistletoe?” 

Andrew stops dead in his tracks and looks up slowly. “I didn’t realize you were a plant expert.”

“It is, isn’t it? There’s some Christmas tradition that goes along with that right?” Neil’s heart is about to pound  _ out _ of his chest, he’s sure of it. There’s no way Andrew can’t hear it. 

Andrew slowly turns around to face Neil and steps closer until the tips of their shoes meet. “I believe there is. But I didn’t think you were one for much Christmas tradition.” And  _ wow _ suddenly he is really, really close and Neil can faintly smell the alcohol on his breath. Neil leans in clumsily only to knock his forehead against Andrew’s. 

“I think I’m starting to like tradition,” he whispers. 

“I see,” Andrew says just as quietly. And then he’s leaning in and Neil can’t breathe but then Andrew doesn’t kiss him on the lips. He tilts his head and presses a feather-light kiss to Neil’s cheek and Neil is just about to pass out on the spot. He pulls back and they stare at each other for a few minutes, or maybe a few years. Neil isn’t really sure. 

Neil exhales out a shaky laugh and the moment splinters in between them. Andrew turns around again and they walk back to the dorm in a strange silence, not like the comfortable ones Neil has grown to love. They linger awkwardly at the top of the stairs on their floor. 

“Um… thanks for today. It was like, the best Christmas ever,” Neil says truthfully. 

“I don’t think your bar was set very high. Goodnight, Neil.” Andrew sounds odd. He nods stiffly, not really meeting Neil’s gaze before turning around and walking a little too quickly in the direction of his room. Neil stays rooted to his spot until he can’t see Andrew anymore. 

That night he falls asleep feeling a little nauseous, like he’s feeling too many things at once and his body is just  _ not _ having it. He touches his cheek where Andrew-- Andrew  _ kissed _ him. That happened. He falls asleep holding his face and feeling a little flutter of hope under all the turmoil within his chest. 

***

Andrew is avoiding him. 

At first, Neil thought Andrew was just super busy at the lab. On Monday, he’d left much earlier than usual, confirmed when Neil knocked on his door after he didn’t show up at the top of the stairs. On Tuesday and Wednesday, it was the same. On Thursday, Neil slept in accidentally and woke up well past the time Andrew usually left. 

And now it’s Friday night. Neil can’t deny it anymore, can’t think of an excuse after almost five full days of no contact. Andrew is avoiding him. And it’s all Neil’s fault. He’d made it weird, with the mistletoe thing. Why would Andrew want to kiss  _ him _ ? Much less date him or… or nothing. Their friendship is weird now because of Neil being stupid and catching feelings that he never asked for. That Andrew never asked for.

He doesn’t feel like going out to get dinner, and he doesn’t feel like asking Andrew to split delivery costs right now. Andrew probably doesn’t want to see him anyway. 

He drags himself out of bed to go get something from the vending machine.  _ Better than nothing _ . He’s greeted with the sight of… Andrew. Staring at the vending machine like it has personally wronged him. 

“Hey,” Neil says, wincing at how gravely his voice is. Makes sense considering he hasn’t talked to anyone in basically a week. 

Andrew’s head snaps his way immediately. He looks like he’s been caught committing a crime. 

“Famous Amos again?” Neil asks, not sure what else to say. Andrew nods. “I’m surprised I didn’t hear you attacking the poor machine again.”

Andrew holds up a dollar bill. “I was thinking of going on the straight and narrow for once. But this idiotic machine keeps rejecting my dollar.” He stuffs the bill into the cash receptor only to have it spat back out at him. 

Neil takes the bill from his hand and smooths it flat against the wall. “I would just help you steal again, but I don’t want to derail you from your path to clearing your name of vending machine crimes.” He cracks a slightly strained smile, one that Andrew reciprocates. Once he’s satisfied with the bill, he gently feeds it to the machine, which accepts it immediately. 

Andrew scoffs. “This stupid piece of junk is so biased.”

“You’re just jealous it likes me better than you,” Neil jokes lightly. He reaches to grab the cookies, realizing too late that Andrew has done the same, leaving them pressed up against each other with both their hands stuck in the machine. Neil hastily removes his and takes a large step back.

“Sorry,” he breathes. And Andrew’s absence the past few days hits him like a bucket of cold water dumped on his head. 

Andrew looks like he wants to say something but then changes his mind. He starts to head back towards his side of the floor. 

Before Neil can think twice, he calls out, “Andrew!” Andrew swivels around instantly. “Hey, um. Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve, right? Did you… maybe want to do something? Tomorrow evening? For New Year’s?” Shit, he already said that it was New Year’s.  _ Shut up _ . 

Andrew stares at him for a moment and Neil is filled with dread. He’s going to say no. He’s going to say no because Neil has ruined this forever and now they can’t even be friends and--

“Yes.” Andrew gives him a sort of half-smile before leaving. 

Neil turns back to the vending machine once he remembers why he came out here in the first place. He can’t stop smiling.  _ He said yes _ . 

***

“This is so fucking boring,” Neil complains.

“You said that already,” Andrew grumbles, but Neil knows he’s just as bored. They’re watching the livestream of the Times Square New Year’s Eve celebrations. Neil hasn’t watched it before. Definitely not living with his parents. And when he’s with Stuart, New Year’s is always a pretty subdued affair. Stuart usually has colleagues over for a very serious dinner that Neil usually excuses himself from early on. 

The night so far has been… okay. Neil knocked on Andrew’s door with sushi in hand. They’d settled into their regular positions, watching Gossip Games as usual. Andrew was a little quieter than normal, but then again so was Neil. Neither of them brought up the lack of contact from this past week. 

It’s almost midnight now, about twenty more minutes to go, and Andrew insists on waiting to watch the ball drop. Neil is happy to humor him, happy to be here at all really, but he can’t help the complaining. This is boring as fuck. He’s just about to suggest they switch back to Gossip Games for a breather when Andrew suddenly speaks. 

“I’m sorry.” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry about-- about last week.”

Neil’s mind goes completely blank. _What?_ _Shouldn’t he be the one apologizing?_

“I wasn’t thinking straight,” Andrew continues. “You were just being-- dumb, and you had been drinking and I just…” Andrew trails off, staring at the floor like he wants to burn a hole in it just with his eyes alone.

“Are-- are you apologizing for kissing me on the cheek?” When he gets no verbal confirmation from Andrew he tries again. “Andrew, I was the one who pointed out the mistletoe, it’s not like I was being subtle about-- never mind. Also I wasn’t drunk! I only had cider that night.”

“Yeah, like ten.”

“It wasn’t more than four,” Neil argues. “You were with me, you know I wasn’t drunk.”

“You were…giggling more than usual.”

Neil shoves him. “That’s because I was having fun, you idiot. Not because I was wasted or whatever it is you’re thinking.”

“What did you mean, ‘never mind’?”

“Hmm?” Neil turns his attention back to the laptop, suddenly far more interested in that than having this conversation. 

“Neil.”

“I just-- I meant I sort of… wanted you to kiss me?” God, Neil wants to just take himself out right now. Put himself out of his misery. 

“You wanted me to kiss you?” Andrew’s voice shakes a bit, in a way Neil has never heard before. He’s really fucking this up huh. Might as well just go for it if it’s already going to be weird. 

He turns to fully face Andrew. “Yeah. I like you, Andrew.” There. He’s said it. “But I didn’t mean to ruin this… thing with us. I didn’t mean to come in between you and the bartender, I--”

“Roland? He and I aren’t together, the last time we hooked up was months ago, and even then that was all it was.” Andrew is frowning, but it’s more like he’s confused rather than angry. 

Neil isn’t really sure what to say to that. “Oh. Okay. Well, I still didn’t mean to freak you out or anything, I just…” Neil shrugs and wishes he had the words for how he was feeling. How he’s  _ been _ feeling. It’s crazy, he thinks, but a part of him just feels different around Andrew in a way he’s never experienced before. 

“You didn’t freak me out,” Andrew whispers, and suddenly his face is  _ so _ close again. “I wanted to kiss you, too.”

“Oh,” is all Neil can produce. He faintly hears the New Year’s countdown starting in the background.  _ 10, 9 …  _

“Neil,” Andrew breathes. “Yes or no?”

Neil barely gets his ‘yes’ out before Andrew pushes forward and kisses him firmly on the mouth. He pulls back just enough to adjust his position so that he is fully facing Neil, cupping Neil’s face in his palms and kissing him again, softer this time. And once Neil gets over the initial surprise of it, he just melts, humming happily.  _ 2, 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  _

Neil wakes up to something sharp digging into his side. He blinks an eye open to see Andrew’s tousled hair in front of him, and then looking down he sees the source of the sharp pain is indeed Andrew’s elbow. He shifts just slightly to avoid it and smiles goofily as Andrew begins to wake up too. They’d fallen asleep late last night, curled up in Andrew’s bed. Neil’s lips still feel deliciously sore from all the kissing, and he’s punch drunk and giddy in a completely new and unfamiliar way. They’d talked too, making up for the week of silence. And now something feels more settled between them.  _ Andrew wanted to kiss him too.  _

“I can tell you’re thinking something stupid,” Andrew murmurs. 

Neil smiles. “I’m thinking about you. So if you want to call yourself stupid, be my guest.” 

Andrew flicks his forehead but then immediately pulls him in for another kiss and  _ yeah _ . Neil could get used to this. 

***

The last week of break passes by in a blur. When they’re not making out on Andrew’s bed (Neil’s new favorite pastime), they visit Bee and go for walks and do all the cheesy shit Neil never thought he’d actually  _ want _ to do. Andrew manages to talk him into ice skating again, and Neil definitely hasn’t improved since Christmas but he does have a better time because Andrew lets him hold his hand the entire time. Neil only falls over once, and it’s mostly Andrew’s fault. He let go of Neil’s hand for a second, what did he think would happen? 

They’re currently on Neil’s bed attempting to watch yet another dumb holiday movie that Andrew somehow manages to like, but Neil got bored within the first twenty minutes and began mouthing at Andrew’s neck without much preamble. Andrew held out for an impressive five seconds before pulling Neil onto his lap so that Neil could straddle him. 

And Neil is having way too good of a time to even remotely remember that Matt is arriving right about… 

“Neil! I missed you so much bud how are-- oh my GOD!” 

Neil scrambles off Andrew’s lap, nearly falling off the bed altogether, to face his roommate who looks like he’s just seen a ghost. 

“This-- is  _ this _ why you barely FaceTimed me all break?” Matt accuses. He turns his gaze to Andrew, smiling at him. “Hey, Minyard, good to see you.”

Andrew nods. “Boyd.”

Matt glares at Neil again. “You could’ve at least given me a warning. You’re supposed to tell me shit like this, Neil!”

Neil just gapes at him like a fish, his mind officially void of any coherent thought. Matt lets him suffer for another minute before breaking into a large grin. “I’m just fucking with you, close your mouth, Neil. And excellent choice, Minyard’s right-hook could make me swoon too.” He drops his bags onto his bed before turning on his heel. “I’ll leave you two alone… for  _ now _ .” He looks at Neil intently. “I expect a lot-- a  _ lot _ \-- of details later, young man.” He nearly runs out of the room calling, “Dan! Babe! You won’t fucking believe what I just saw!” 

Neil collapses back into Andrew’s chest, covering his face with his hands. “Did that really just happen?”

He can feel gentle laughter rumble through Andrew’s body behind him. “Yeah. I think it did.”

“Oh my  _ god _ they’re never going to leave me alone about this now. I apologize in advance for all of them.”

Andrew presses a kiss to the top of Neil’s head. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me.” 

Neil leans his head back to look up at Andrew, smiling despite Matt’s intrusion and the interrogation he knows is coming. Because right now, looking up at the man who started out as a stranger to him and now was…  _ this _ , Andrew, warm, smiling, holding him… he knows without a doubt he can tell Matt that yeah. He’d had a good break. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/manyaaa21) and  
> [tumblr](https://melopeya.tumblr.com/)!


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